2006: Review of the Year

Er...













I've had worse.






Next year: Is there really a Higgs boson, as predicted by the Standard Model of particle physics? If so, what is its mass? Spraying the Rays investigates.

James Brown 1933-2006

Get on up!

Next week: Thatcher: 1925-

Get on down!

PS: Is she gonna play that mouth-harp or what?

A Christmas Message from Stray Photon

[run VT: library video footage of SP opening buildings, launching ships, accepting flowers from disinterested snotty nosed kids etc]

Studio: SP in front of hastily erected backdrop of Twickenham Green covered in artificial snow.

SP speaks:

Stray: peoples hero

"My fellow Bloggerians."

"I'm not going to pretend to you that this has been an easy year. With the benefit of hindsight, yes, Mistakes have Been Made. Only a fool would deny that. But it's important too, that we don't lose sight of Those Things we have done Right. And at this time of year again when our thoughts turn to baby Jesus and all that, we have the opportunity to review the last 12 months. "

"Tragically, due to the despicable activities of the so called Masked Hacker, all entries on the Blog from before August have been deleted. The loss to blogging culture is incalculable."

"As you know, investigations are continuing into this matter, but as I speak the identity if the hacker remains a mystery. Speculation within the blogging community is rife, especially as at the time of the incident, Spraying the Rays was runaway favourite to win the coveted BABA Blog of the Year award. "

Swipe: prime suspect

There are those who have raised an accusing finger in the direction of Robert Swipe, and pointed out that as the previous winner and strong candidate for this years award, he had everything to gain from the deletion of such moving entries as "Rumsfeld: My Part in his Downfall" and "Matchday with Deano". Thankfully, some images from these features survived."

Windass: deleted

But speaking as someone who has known the boy Swipe for many years, at this at this time when we should be thinking thoughts of charity and forgiveness, my response to the cynics who suspect him of such evildoings is..."yes, you're right, that's just the sort of thing the bounder would do, isn't it?"

Bob, of course now Baron Swipe of Ivybridge following his recent appearance on the New Year's honours list, no longer sees fit to mix with us lowly bloggers. Hah! So much for his stance as a man of the people. His blog however, in the meantime, has passed into the more than capable hands (Oh! the stories I could tell...) of his far more talented and delightfully husky voiced sister Roberta, and the only fitting tribute to her predecessor would be, "Bob Who?"

by crikey, Miss Swipey!

"Nice to see that at least one member of the family can sing! Meanwhile of course investigations into the Cash For Honours scandal continue... "

"Those who are without guilt..." I hear you say, and yes, I readily confess there have been a number of unfortunate "misunderstandings" this year in my dealings with the law. "

"Firstly the widely misinterpreted "guitar abuse scandal" which is now seen for what it is; a despicable attempt to besmirch my spotless reputation as musician of the highest calibre. Similarly, the scurrilous rumours over my behaviour following the legenday Basingstoke gig have been proved without substance, and a not inconsiderable amount of money (37p) paid into the funds of a charity of my choice following an out of court settlement between Howesy "Howesey" Howes and myself."

(And here's a special Christmas link for Dave Howesey "Howesey" howesy howes Howes to show that there are no hard feelings! Don't forget to bookmark it, H!)

"And about the Polonium, well yes, arguably a slightly embarrassing misjudgement; the return to a state of Cold War diplomacy between our two great nations is to be regretted, and I promise I will no longer leave the Radioactive Storage Safe on the latch out of hours again."

Drake: 4 points out of 6

"On the plus side however, despite initial opposition to my appointment of Gabrielle Drake as manager, Hull City have shown signs of recovery especially after yesterdays 0-0 draw away to L**ds United, Once again history will show that my judgement should not be questioned."

"And doctors, Government ministers, healthcare administrators, nurses and other healthcare professionals have been almost unaninimous in their praise of this blog's campaign to demystify the strange and disturbing world of Diagnostic Radiology though my erudite and witty blog entries on the subject."

"I must make a special mention of Molly Bloom and [Euro]Trac, both missing in action in the final weeks of the 2006 blogging campaign, and sadly missed."

"For a special Christmas message from the past, click here. I would like to dedicate this to all my regular contributors on the Comments pages, especially Bob and Roberta Swipe, Istvanski, Howesy, Molly Bloom, Trac, Tess, I-Pimp-For-Hobbits, Gentleman Mike, and also to all my other readers. "

"Happy Christmas all of you, and here's to a Blogtastic 2007! "

SP raises pint of Twickenham Fine Ales' latest concoction, blanches slightly but forces a festive grin.

Fade to black.

Commercial break featuring adverts for sales and holidays.

Next week: Looking Forward: Predictions for 2007 and beyond

NB: this Christmas message is NOT available as a "Podcast". However on request I am prepared to write it out in my best analogue handwriting and post it to you.

Oi, Shadders!

What ho, readers!

Watched Billy Liar again last night.



Every time I see it, I think, "maybe this time he'll get back on that bloody train with Julie Christie."

But he never does.

Daft bugger. He wants his head looking at, that lad.

Tom Courtenay. He's from Hull, you know.


Tomorrow: Dream Start for Gabby at City: Hull 4 (four): Cardiff 1.
Also: Swipe, Trac and Bloom still missing; concern grows.

It's Cool to Snog this Christmas!

Hello Readers!

As a well respected Health Care Professional, albeit currently a fugitive from justice, (I keep telling you, those radio-isotopes were on resting in my account) I am often asked around this time of year, "Is it cool to snog?"

to which I reply, "No. THIS is Cool to Snog";

L-R: Airfix, drums: Kari Kool, guitar/vocals: Irene Blood, vocals: Nick Hunter, bass

Outside the Wellington Club, Hull, 1980

...as featured on the legendary 1981 LP Mrs Wilson's Children. Bloody hell. 25 years ago?

Hope this helps.

Stray

Next week: the Sons of the Pope: reunion rumours persist.

Hull City: Shock Appointment

The world of football was rocked by controversy today when it was announced that GABRIELLE DRAKE is to be appointed as Player Manager of Hull City, despite having no experience in management or coaching, and "not being that interested in football".

Ms Drake, 57, was awarded the job even thoughshe has not even been nominated in the election for manager being organised by the "Spraying the Rays" blogsite. Hull chairman Adam Parsnip was said to be furious.

"I'm furious", confirmed Mr Parsnip from his home this morning. "We entered into this election with STR in good faith, mainly because no-one wanted to touch the job even with a long pointy stick, and it seemed a good way of raising interest in the vacancy. But now we're lumbered with someone who, being a woman, does not even understand the off-side rule."

Spraying the Rays declined to comment on the situation, apart from to dissociate themselves from the above remark. However a source said to be within the organisation told us, "We're just as gobsmacked as everyone else. The vote wasn't even supposed to finish until tonight. But the word to give the gig to Gabby came right from the top. It's obvious she's not a football person, but apparently she doesn't have a job at the moment and for some reason the the boss wanted to give her one."

Drake: two up front?

The shadowy figure behind the Spraying the Rays website is a Mr Stray Photon whose whereabouts are currently unknown. Today's developments have fuelled speculation that Photon is the mysterious "money-man" backing Parsnip who has financed the clubs recent successful run. Photon went into hiding after evading arrest on suspicion of supplying Class A radio-isotopes, and has not been heard from since. However a garbled and indistinct message was received this afternoon by Jodrell Bank, the transcript of which went something like this:

"Look she's got the job OK? Beep. Bit more hot in here please Gabs! And why don't you bring another bottle before you get in? Beep. I mean how can she do any worse than the last joker? Beep. Anyway, no bugger was voting, so sod 'em. Beep. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some, er, business to attend to. Beep. This low gravity has made a new man of me. You can keep your Viagra. Beep."

Ms Drake's first game in charge of the Tigers will be at home to high-flying Cardiff next Saturday.

Stray Photon is 37. (millicuries)

Next Week: Rigged? Windass wins Sports Personality of the Year.

Decison 06: the Votes So Far

Hello there readers!

Bowie: face oddity

A surprise frontrunner in the nailbiting Race for the Circle has emerged in the shape of former pop singer and mime artist DAVID BOWIE who currently leads the field with a total of 504 votes.

The rest of the voting is as follows:

2nd Kevin Keegan 454
3rd Sgt Bilko 303
4th Peter Taylor 301
5th Stray Photon 296
6th Iain Dowie 256
7th Jonothan Ross 48
8th Bill Shankly 17
9th Duncan Fletcher 6
10th Andy Robinson 5
11th Z Beeblebrock 3
12th G Glitter -1

Meanwhile, two late nominations have entered the field:

Saddam Hussein, former president of Iraq has thrown his hat into the ring. Whilst having shown himself capable of leading a large and chaotic organisation, his long term prospects of success at the KC Stadium are thrown into some doubt by his recent death sentence .

And Leroy Rosenior, still smarting from his recent dismissal at Brentford FC, is thought to be very interested in the post. Rumours that his departure from Griffin Park were due to a disagreement over the imminent signing of an unnamed striker from Barnsley remain unconfirmed. However, it is though that in the interests of making a long term appointment, the Hull board have inquired about the possibility of appointing Leroy Rojunior instead.

BREAKING NEWS: following an intervention by UN electoral observers investigating claims of inflated voting figures, STR can announce a slight revision to the above totals:

Hussein, Saddam: 1 vote
Rosenior, Leroy: 1 vote
Photon, Stray: 1 vote

Remember, YOU the reader have until midnight tomorrow make a difference! So click on that mouse and VOTE!

Tomorrow: more voting updates (if anyone has bothered, that is)

Hull City Hopefuls part 2

Hello Readers!

Here are some more nominated candidates for the vacant position of Manager at Hull City AFC. Remember; cast your vote via the Comments page by midnight on Sunday to ensure your favourite has a chance of their dream job!

Peter Taylor:

Pros: Knows the way to the ground. Steered his last club to two consecutive promotions.
Cons: Strong feeling of deja vu: has he managed Hull City before? Failed Crystal Palace coach.

Iain Dowie:



Pros: Proven track record in this division.
Cons: Failed Crystal Palace coach. (see Taylor, Peter)

Sergeant Ernest Bilko:

Pros: Creativity with club finances
Cons: Would probably want to play Doberman up front

David Bowie:

Pros: The Hull Connection: Spiders from Mars all hail from the city or its environs. And he's *so* Robert Swipe.
Cons: might find the commute from Switzerland a bit much at his age.

Zaphod Beeblebrox:

Pros: Two heads are better than one
Cons: Lives even further away than David Bowie

Peter Taylor:

Pros: Knows the way to the ground. Steered his last club to two consecutive promotions.
Cons: Very strong feeling of deja vu: Are you sure he hasn't managed Hull City before? Failed Crystal Palace coach.

BREAKING NEWS: Former Hull City manager Phil Parkinson looks set to take the helm at little known West London football club Brentford FC. This has led to speculation that other former employees of the Tigers may be looking to revive their flagging career with "The Bees":

Windass: hello boys!

Tomorrow: Late Nominations and a reported sighting of Stray Photon!

New Hull City manager: YOU decide...

Parkinson

Following a disastrous 6 months in charge, manager PHIL PARKINSON has parted company with Hull City, currently languishing in 23rd position of the Coca Cola championship.

Hull

But who should step in to his shoes at the underachieving self styled Number One Club in East Yorkshire?

In a unique experiment in supporter power, Spraying the Rays is giving YOU, the reader, the opportunity to shape the sporting destiny of this proud city.

Over the next few days Spraying the Rays will bring you a list of candidates for the post of manager/coach of Hull City AFC. Some have proven experience in the field. Some have excelled in a different arena but can bring their unique talents to bear in the battle to preserve Championship status for the Tigers. All, however, are AVAILABLE for one reason or another.

Simply register your preference via the Comments facility of this blog by midnight on Sunday 10 December. The candidate receiving the most votes will be announced by chairman Adam Pearson at a hastily arranged press conference on Monday 11th December. All those taking part in the vote will be entered into a draw, the lucky winner of which will receive a Season Ticket for next season! (at Grimsby Town FC)

So get voting, readers!

The candidates:

Kevin Keegan:

Keegan: "would love it"

Pros: Proven experience in getting teams promoted to the Premiership
Cons: comes from SCUNTHORPE


Donald Rumsfeld:

Rumsfeld: five man midfield

Pros: favours an extremely combative strategy in midfield.
Cons: Will probably result in lengthy injury list, including spectators. Also likely to refer to the game as "soccer"

Gary Glitter:

Gadd almighty, you cannot be serious?

Pros: He's the Leader of the Gang, he is, so managing a Division One football team should be no problem.
Cons: Some concern over proposed changes in youth team policy


Bill Shankly:

Shanks: "this big"

Pros: Legendary football manager
Cons: Dead

Duncan Fletcher:

Fletcher: porridge

Pros: has coached at highest level
Cons: wrong sport


Andy Robinson:

Robbo: wrong shaped balls

Pros: has coached at highest level
Cons: Wrong sport

Jonothan Ross:

Rosso: irritating

Pros: half time team talk will be slightly entertaining
Cons: previous experiment with employing chat show host ended in failure

Tomorrow: More Hull City hopefuls

The Fugitive

Hello readers!

God, it's cold up here...



and the accommodation leaves a little to be desired...




and just because I mislaid a bit of isotope nobody had heard of before...







Still, I suppose things could be worse...

...ding dong!

Next Week: Jamie's Low Gravity Dinners: at last, a review.