Spraying the Rays

The Alternative Radiographer

25 February 2007

Master Craftsmen at Work

Hello readers!

We all like to watch a skilled craftsman at work, don't we?

A well turned pot,

or a good bit of grouting.

The thatcher, plying his trade on a balmy summer afternoon in some rural idyll,

or an expertly injected radiopharmaceutical for a Nuclear Medicine scan:

So just imagine how priveleged I felt on Saturday afternoon to have the opportunity to watch another master tradesman at work at the KC Stadium:

Yes readers; Deano Bags a Brace to Banish the Blues!

Now that's what I call a result!


21 February 2007

Out of Office Autoblogger

Hello Reader!

I am currently unavailable. For any urgent blogging needs please refer to the list of blogs to the right of this text.

Alternatively you can make up your own Spraying the Rays post. It's easy!

You will need:
  1. moans about state of NHS and/or Hull City's last result
  2. excuse to refer reader to Myspace site to listen to dreary dirge from the past
  3. Weak joke about Polonium-210 even though this is no longer topical
  4. unfunny mock scientific theory about something
  5. picture of Dean Windass and/or Gabrielle Drake
  6. plug for next post which never appears

Normal service will be resumed as soon as I think of something.


20 February 2007

Bloggers in the Bath!

Disturbing new trends in blogging: Robert Swipe

No 1 of an occasional and hopefully very short series.

Next week: Stray Photon shows off his ducks.

back in the jug agane

i am indebted to n molesworth of 3a st custards who point out that blogging machine as describe in last blog is obvios upgraded latin machine as seen in "how to be topp" 1954 so compleat ripoff really.

see here.

oh bugger how uterly wet and weedy i am.

hullo clouds hullo sky etc.

Next Week: Keeper Crisis Solved: Fotherington-Thomas signs for City.

17 February 2007

Blogging: an update

Hello there reader!

Several correspondents have not written in to complain that my last post bringing you enlightenment on How Blogging Works was completely inaccurate and a load of made up rubbish.

"This post is riddled with factual inaccuracies and not worth the pixels it is viewed on", comments A. Einstein of Sunbury.

Einstein: what does he know?

"OI! those are my fermentation vessels and that's my bandwidth you're stealing..." writes a Mr Fine Ales of Twickenham.

Beer: not now I'm blogging. Oh, alright then...

"...the intermediate state of blog after calibration is called "caliblarg" not blarg, as any fule kno" points out N Molesworth of St Custards.

Molesworth: wizz for atomms

Smart arses. But no-one spotted the real deliberate error. It is in fact Howesey "Howesey" Howes of the legendary Dave Howesey "Howesey" Howes Band transmitting blog to Blogstar alongside the new Swipe, not Stray Photon. You can tell by the size of his transmitter. It's huge!

Howesey: unfeasibly large


This blog was brought to you Windass-free thanks to numerous contributions from donors who wish to remain anonymous. Cheers Tess!

11 February 2007

How It Works: Blogging

Hello readers!

We all enjoy reading blogs, don't we? But how many of us have stopped to wonder what actually goes into to producing the finely honed prose that you are reading right now?

There's nothing like a good blog. And this is nothing like a good blog...

It's not just a case of thinking up any old crap and sending it down the line to a website in the hope that someone might find it amusing. Oh no. It's much more complicated than that.

So as part of our obligation under the Public Service Remit clause of Spraying the Rays' funding agreement with the the Information Ministry, here are the basic principles of How Blogging Works.

Using a very expensive machine know as a blogwriter, the blogger invents some Words and joins them together in a special order. These are called sentences. Pictures may be stolen from the Interweb and added to the mix. At this stage the blog is known as blurg, or raw blog.

A blogger at work

The blurg is then fed into a another machine know as the Hingebonge Recalibrator, which is basically a series of reciprocating sprockets and regurgitating valves. At this point in the process the blurg has to be kept at a temperature below -2 degrees Celsius before being recalibrated, otherwise it becomes dull and uninteresting.

This is the stage at which wit and/or controversy can be added to the blurg depending on the settings selected on the recalibrator.

The Hingebonge Recalibrator

After this lengthy and dangerous process the blurg is converted to blarg and emerges as a noxious sickly yellow substance. Blarg needs to be extensively tested on poorly paid volunteers, often from the third world or Preston. Because of the risks involved the test subjects are not allowed to be subjected to more than 3 blargs in any 24 hour period. Many do not survive longer than a fortnight.

Testing blarg.

The blarg is then fed into large scintillation vessels to ferment for a period of up to a week, depending on how stodgy the final blog is to be. This process also ensures that no trace of new jokes or topical comment find their way into the finished product.

Blarg Scintillation Vessels, or BSVs

The BSVs can also be used out of hours for brewing beer. This is why sometimes when a beer tastes insipid or without character it is said to be a bit "bloggy". This occurs when the vessels are not propely cleaned with deblogging solution after a blog has been fermented.

When the blarg emerges from the BSVs it is a clear slightly sticky fluid smelling faintly of stale mouse droppings, and is called splurge. This is converted to a series of electrical impulses in a machine know as a splogger. Full stops and semi colons are added at this point by skilled staff, also known as sploggers or blog finishers.

Splogging in progress. Note protective hairstyle worn by the operator

Now then, we're almost there! It only remains for the processed splurge or unblog as it now known, to be delivered back to the bloggers who then beam it up to Blogstar, the blog transmission satellite.

Stray Photon (left) and Robert Swipe beam their latest blogs on to the Blogger satellite transmitter.

Well readers, you know the rest!

When you click on the interweb link for your favourite blog, this activates Blogstar which transmits the blog to your PC via your rising water main.

the Blogstar satellite

Hurrah! your latest blog entry has arrived! Enjoy!

See you!

Next week: How it works: the Wheelbarrow


10 February 2007

Hull City Retirement Home Announcements

We would like to welcome a new resident to the DunScoring retirement complex:

Mr Ray Parlour has entered the building!

Parlour: two up front. (Have I done this one before?)

Well at least the condition of the pitch should improve. Not sure about the planned water feature though:

KC Stadium: sprinklers go up to 11.

Other announcements:

The management would politely request that residents refrain from disposing of cigarette butts in the toilets. (Yes, we're looking at you, Mr Windass!) After all, we don't piss in your ashtrays.

Next week: Silver-haired maestro of the wing Raich Carter signs a new five year contract.

01 February 2007

Graffiti: latest outrage

In support of my old mate Howesey and his thoughts on graffiti, here's another shocking example of a thing of beauty being defaced by a thoughtless vandal:

"Dad? How do you spell Dean?"

If you are affected by this issue and want to take ACTION , click here. For a nominal sum you can take the offending item out of circulation altogether. An ideal present for any Hull City supporter you might happen to know. (Ahem...) But HURRY! Sale ends tomorrow at 1930 hours.

Next week: whatever happened to Linton Brown?

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