Spraying the Rays

The Alternative Radiographer

30 August 2010

Lucan Denies Tory Link

Lucan: fags

Following the return to the UK of former Poly Peck chief executive Asil Nadir to face charges of false accounting and theft arising from the collapse of the company, disgraced peer Lord Lucan has denied that there is any connection between his reappearance in the UK after 35 years and the re-election of a Conservative government.

Richard John Bingham, the 7th Earl of Lucan disappeared from public life in November 1974 following the murder of the family’s nanny in what was thought to be a botched attempt on the life of his estranged wife.

Lord Lucan spoke exclusively to Spraying the Rays’ ace crime reporter Stray Photon.

“I had no idea there was such a to-do over my absence. After all I just popped down to the newsagent for a packet of fags, and well, one thing led to another and I ended up popping over the Channel to see some chums for a while.”

“Damn shame about the Rivett girl, but crikey, why the fuss? Easy enough to find another nanny I would have thought.”

“And all this mischief linking me with the frightful business is just frankly laughable. Why, I wouldn’t know one end of a piece of lead pipe from the other.”

Legal experts have voiced the opinion that it is probably too long since the murder for a trial to proceed with any chance of reaching a safe conclusion. Speculation that the UK government would be reluctant to prosecute a member of the ruling class was wide of the mark, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg told Spraying the Rays:

“David has told me to say that the past is the past. After all, we are now in the 21st century and it would be just callous to prosecute an old man. Our new Big Society must be able to show forgiveness and let bygones be bygones, especially to a chap who went to Eton like Cammers.”

Next Week: Racing Tips: Shergar to place in the 3.20 at Doncaster. And as Buddy Holly’s plane finally lands, we ask how his brand of fresh-faced guitar pop will go down with today’s I-pod generation.

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