Spraying the Rays

The Alternative Radiographer

31 August 2008

Fergy fury at points switch

Ferguson: unhappy

Man Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson (147) was reported to be "apoplectic with anger" last night as details emerged of a controversial change in the way Premiership standings are to be assessed this season.

The beetroot faced boss is understood to have flown into a rage on hearing the plan would mean that United would miss out on Champions’ League football next season.

Known as the "Boothferry Amendment", the changes mean that rather than judging the twenty Premiership teams on points won at the end of the season, the final league standings will be assessed on the points total after only the first two games of the campaign.

Scudamore: revolutionary

Premiership supremo Richard Scudamore (48) officially announced the reasoning behind the move at a hastily arranged press conference yesterday, after details had been leaked to Spraying the Rays’ Beer and Football correspondent Stray Photon (29).

"The Boothferry Amendment will revolutionise the way football is played in this country. We anticipate that it will lead a far more attractive style of attacking football. Teams will no longer be under pressure to play defensively to avoid dropping points, as their league position will have been determined within the opening weeks of the season. "

Mr Scudamore continued, "The fans will not miss out, as the clubs will play the same number of games as before. The only difference will be that with no further points being available, the remaining matches can be played in the true spirit of the game with entertainment being the priority."

Sir Alec was unavailable for comment last night. However as she prepared her side for the challenge of European football next season, Hull boss Gabrielle Drake (34) gave a cautions welcome to the controversial scheme.

Drake: over the moon

“This is a long overdue change in my opinion. For far too long certain football clubs have been denied the success their fans crave simply by being unable to beat other teams or score as many goals as them.”

We asked football expert Stray Photon to analyse how he thought the changes might affect the English game.

But he couldn’t be bothered.

Next week: More exclusive photos from the star studded Spraying The Rays 2nd birthday party. And what was the meaning of Michael Stipe's cryptic comment “Happy Birthday Howesey”, from the stage at REM’s Twickenham concert last night? Pop pundit Ray Sprayer investigates.

25 August 2008

"Most Successful Squad in 100 Years"

Team returns with record haul from foreign lands

from our award winning Beer and Football correspondent Stray Photon*:

Hull City supporters again lined the streets of the town today to greet their heroes' triumphant return from the far off lands of Blackburn in Lancashire.

The team have amassed a record haul of 4 points from their first two games of their historic first Premiership season.

The Tigers have confounded doubters and critics who predicted that they would be relegated by Christmas.

Unable to conceal his delight, beaming boss Phil Brown spoke exclusively to Spraying the Rays.

"The lads have shown these pampered Premier League primadonnas a thing or two already," he said.

"At this rate it will be at least January before we face the harsh reality of being back in the same division as the likes of Crystal Palace next term," the grinning gaffer continued.

Next week: Spraying the Rays is 2 years old this month! We bring you pictures from the star studded celebrity bash at one of London's hottest nightspots!

*Advanced Scout Standard circa 1970

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