Spraying the Rays

The Alternative Radiographer

22 May 2007

What's My Crime?

Hello Readers!

Hundreds of Spraying the Rays fans have forgotten to ask me, "when's the next blog?"

Well Sprayers, the wait is over. And today we have an exciting new feature; "WHAT'S MY CRIME", a hard hitting investigation into the crimes affecting us today.

"No holds barred in this probing look at the current state of villainy in Britain..." - Blogger's Digest

"Robbers and other no-goodnicks must be quaking in their knock-off Timberlands." - The Blogger

"Just a load of made-up rubbish." - What Blog

So, without further ado, let's play..."WHAT'S MY CRIME?"

Scene of the Crime # 1: HMV:

American Graffiti

US producer and director George Lucas brings us the seventh episode in the epic Star Wars saga. In a galaxy not that long ago and just over the road in galactic terms, Lucas completely rips off the Terminator franchise by sending Darth Vader back in time (or is it forward...I get so confused) to the early 60's US in the guise of a leather jacketed hoodlum. His mission: to find and kill Luke Skywalker's great great great grandson played by that bloke out of Happy days, thereby saving the Universe from the horror that is Episode: I The Phantom Menace.

Follow up movies are reputed to include "The Wolfman Strikes Back" and "The Return of Richie Cunningham"

Available in HMV for £3.

Studio Audience: "What's My Crime?"

Stray Photon: "Robbery: IT'S A STEAL!"

Scene of the Crime # 2: Amazon UK

Laurel and Hardy

Look out Morecambe and Wise, Ryan and Ronnie, and the Chuckle Brothers! There's a new double act in town! Producer Hal Roach (obviously appealing to the student audience with the not-so-subtle drug reference) opts for a very retro feel in this new sitcom based in the US of the 30's. No expense has been spared to recreate the feel of the era; the cars, the clothes and the haircuts all look remarkably authentic. However the inclusion of monochromised versions of the episodes is no more than a tacky gimmick and won't ever catch on.

Series of 15 DVDs available from Amazon UK for £1.97 each.

Studio Audience: "What's My Crime?"

Stray Photon: "Robbery: IT'S A STEAL!" (are you getting the idea yet, readers?)

Scene of the Crime # 3: Florida, USA; the beach.

With the season over, footballers seize the chance to grab some well deserved rest and top up the tan. And who could be more deserving than 20 goal hero Dean Windass; saviour of Hull City and vanquisher of L**ds United. Spraying The Rays' investigative reporters have tracked down "Deano" to an exclusive nudist beach on America's Atlantic coast, from where we bring you these sensational pictures:


Ouch! More Factor 15 on those extremeties, Deano!

Studio Audience: "What's My Crime?"

Howesey barges into shot and elbows Photon out of the way.

Howesey: "Indecent Exposure: GET YOUR KIT ON!"


07 May 2007

The Third Man

Swipe (left) and Photon in the Prince of Wales

I was sitting in the Prince of Wales with my good friend and blogging mentor Robert Swipe this evening.

The conversation turned, as it often does, to Cinema.

"Have you seen 'The Third Man?'" asks Bob.

Silly question.

Why would I watch the sequel, when I haven't seen 'The Second Man' or even 'The First Man' yet?

I mean, you wouldn't expect me to watch 'Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope' before 'Episode III Revenge of the Sith', would you?

Stray Photon a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Honestly, some people know nothing about Films.

Still, he does make exceedingly good Songs.


05 May 2007

Leeds United: Won't Get Fooled Again

"Here comes the new boss,

Same as the old boss..."

Pete Townshend, 1971

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