BLOGGERS on the BOOZE!

Hello there readers!

Have you ever wondered what drinks your favourite bloggers relax with after a hard day at the blogface?

Well bloggees, for your benefit I have put my liver and sanity at no small risk in order to research this very topic. Over the last week or so I have had the honour of raising a glass or two with some of the finest bloggers in the land:

FRIDAY, Twickenham

To the Prince of Wales with the delightful Swipe siblings. Bob, as his many devotees already know, makes no secret of his fondness for Drambuie breezers. Such is his reputation round this part of West London that the cocktail shaker is already a blur by the time he gets to the bar. His charming sister 'Berta however is more of an enigma. I wondered to myself what would be the tipple...Brandy and Babycham? White wine spritzer? Wrong both times. "Would you get me a Harpic and lemonade, dearie?" she croaked. Well that explains the husky vocals, as featured on her latest smash hits MCG and My Hero Let Me Down.

Roberta enjoys a drink before applying her makeup

SATURDAY, Selhurst

Sarf London for pre-match refeshments with Istvanski. In our chosen hostelry, the enigmatically named "HOME FANS ONLY: NO NORTHERN SCUM", Istvanksi's favourite drink turned out to be something called Lager-Mate, although I got a bit of a funny look from the barmaid when I asked for a pint of it.

THURSDAY, Twickenham

Today I meet the enigmatic Gentleman Mike, the artist formerly known as I-Pimp-For-Hobbits, in the Prince Albert. GM likes to wet his whistle with a pint of Fullers Chiswick ale. A fine choice, as I'm sure you will agree. One day He Will Blog Again.

FRIDAY, Twickenham

A splendid evening with Howesey "Howesey" Howes at the Prince Albert again. Yes! Him out of the Dave Howes Band! Difficult to have much of a conversation with this charming young man punctuated as the evening was with women throwing themselves at him, attempting to trip him up and lie on the floor before he landed there, etc. But imagine my discomfort at his request for a Gin and Tonic House Double. Thankfully my accountant advises me that the price of Polonium-210 has gone through the roof recently for some reason, so I could afford to buy a round.

Howesey adjusts his thong for the nice policeman

There are lots of other bloggers out there with whom I have not been fortunate enough to share a drink. But knowing them as we do from their blogs, shall we have an educated guess?

DCI "Tess" Tennison: surely a straight Scotch, as would befit any self-respecting hard drinking copper and scourge of Polonium pushers everywhere.

Tennison: "you're nicked, Photon..."

RockMother: A robust Aussie Shiraz is my guess. And of course RoMo may be able to fit in a few more pieces of the jigsaw for us; what were the other bloggers knocking back at the legendary Blogger's Convention at the Dove in Hammersmith a couple of weeks ago?

Molly Bloom; no idea, but I'll have a pint of it, whatever it is.

Bottoms Up!

Football Legends and their Christmas Presents

No. 1 in an occasional series:

Christmas with Windass

Deano: Wow! Brilliant! It's just what I wanted!

Dad of Windass: I thought you'd like it.

Deano: I love it! But, er, there's just one problem...

Dad of Windass: I'm sorry. They didn't have it in XXXL

Deano: No it's not that. It's just that, well, I play for Bradford City now, not Hull.

Dad of Windass: Don't worry about that. Just give me a couple of weeks. I know someone who will sort it out...

Hull City manager Phil Brown

Next week: More Polonium 210, Vicar?

A day at the Palace

Hello readers!

Istvanski: starry eyed after visions of Windass

I met that Istvanski the other day. I wasn't sure I would recognise him. It was easy though; he was wearing the same hat he wears on his blog picture.

He took me for a drink in a pub called No Away Supporters. At least that's what it said on the door. I can't find it in the Good Beer Guide though. Istvanski told me to keep my voice down if I wanted to talk, and if I mentioned Hull City, to say "they" and not "we".

Funny place, South London. And Istvanski turned out to be a diamond geezer, as I believe is the phrase round those parts.

But have you ever wondered why he wears that big hat?

Well now I can tell you.

That's the shape his head is!

Poor guy. And supporting Crystal Palace too.

Still, at least on Saturday he got to see the legendary Dean Windass back in his natural habitat; an amber and black Hull City shirt. A sight not easily forgotten.

As Howesey will testify.

Crystal Palace 1, Hull City 1.

Unfortunately I can't find any pictures of Deano from Saturday's game, so here's one I prepared earlier:

Deano; hit woodwork on 45 mins

Oops, sorry, wrong Deano!

Windass; "Memories are made of this."

That's better!

Arthur, Wait!

This is Arthur Wait.

He is has is very own stand at Crystal Palace Football club. It's called the Arthur Wait stand.

I think he must be away this weekend though, because on Saturday I will be using his stand. It says so on my ticket.

I wonder if any other bloggers will be there? I think there is a football match going on at about 3 o'clock.

Crystal Palace are playing against Hull City. That's who Dean Windass used to play for. Here is a picture of him for my friend Howesey:

Watching football makes me thirsty. I wonder if there is anywhere nearby I might get some refreshments afterwards? Maybe one of the other bloggers will know.

I do hope so.

More Photon revelations:

The Masked Hacker writes again!

As the Masked Hacker I am often asked, "Now that we've had a good laugh at that Photon tosser trying to play drums, are there any other examples of him making a tit of himself, musically-wise?"

Terrible use of our mother tongue, I know, but not everyone had the privelege of going to Hull Grammar School in the 70's.

HGS: comprehensive since 1971

Never mind though, because the answer is YES! While the idiot Photon is round at his mate Swipe's house botching an upgrade to his PC, I have once more rifled thorugh the archives to bring you this example of Stray Photon as a New Romantic! Just imagine; frilly shirts, floppy hair, and yes, is that a KEYBOARD PLAYER I hear?

Punk legend my arse.

Who'd have thought eh, readers? There must be photos of this embarrassing episode from his past and don't worry, when I find them, you'll know about it!

See ya!

M. H.

Photon: Shocking New Pictures

The Masked Hacker writes:

Hello Readers!

Yes, I've blagged myself into the blog again to bring your this appalling image:

Stray: "how you doin'?"

Under the Thirty Year Rule, I am now able to publish this shocking artist's impression of the what the elusive failed musician and isotope peddler Stray Photon might have looked like in 1981.

"Ding Dong," I hear you ladies say, or was that someone at the door? Following his recent liposuction and extensive plastic surgery, this is apparently more of less (actually there's much, much more) what SP looks like today. With glasses. And of course the left leg went in the infamous 1992 motorcycle crash. (are you reading this, Sir Paul?) Also he is completely bald these days as a result of the hair transplant not working out. Well he didn't know it had to be human hair, did he?

Sorry, what was that? Thirty years not up until 2012? Bollocks.

Under the Twenty-Five year rule etc etc... (cont. in 2094)

Ruth Kelly defends decision

In a hastily arranged press conference today Ruth Kelly, Communities Secretary and former Education minister tearfully explained her decision to send one of her children to a non-State school.

"It hasn't been easy," she confessed to journalists. "The family has been through a very stressful time. But it has become apparent that the boy has educational needs which can't be met at the local state school, and I reluctantly made this decision of the basis of what I think is best for him."

When pressed to clarify the situation Ms Kelly went on, "First there were the never ending letters, all written in that awful green ink. Then there was that half giant stalking up and down our street. I mean, think what that does to property prices round here? And those potions; the stench...I couldn't use the kitchen for days after he'd been working on one of his so called projects. And all that owl crap; it's hell to get off the pebble dashing."

She continued, "Then we started getting complaints from the school. Other parents weren't happy with their offspring coming home with pigs tails or covered in boils. Just youthful high spirits, I called it. But when the Dementors started showing up we knew we had to do something."

"I will never forget seeing him through the wall at King's Cross. But I have no regrets. I realise this may cause some embarrassment to the Government but when it's your own child you have to put them first."

When asked whether there was a history of witchcraft or wizardry in her family, Ms Kelly strongly denied this and then turned our Education correspondent into a newt.

The current Education secretary Alan Johnson has said that rumours around Westminster that the GCSE exams were to be superceded by OWLS, or Ordinary Wizarding Levels in the forthcoming shake-up of the education system were untrue.




Professor Dumbledore was unavailable for comment.

In other news: the British Blogging industry today finally returned to something approaching full capacity as bloggers returned to their desks after the long festive break and immediately sought ways to avoid doing any work.

Robert Swipe is 60 today!

Happy Birthday, Bob!

From all at Spraying the Rays!

(PS: next time you need a guitar player from the Hull area like Mick Photon, Stray Ronson's your man!)