Football Report

Terry and June

Hello readers!





If Germany's right back had scored in tonights 2-1 defeat to England it would have been just like the old song:





"Mertersacker Goal,


Your chains are unfurled..."





Wouldn't it?


Tomorrow: Photon denies rumours he is to replace John Major on Strictly Come Dancing.

Beer Review

from our Beer and, er, Beer correspondent Stray Photon.

Hello drinkers!

As you know it's unlike me to stray far from the fine fare offered by my local brewery, Twickenham Fine Ales, or occasionally their deadly rival Fuller Smith and Turner.

But the other week I found myself in the Roebuck in Hampton Hill and an ale hailing from the Surrey side of the Thames caught my eye:

Waylands Brewery's Martian Mild.

Now, as a Northern youth I used to associate Mild with sad old men sitting in their dingy local bemoaning the state of the world and reminiscing about how much better things were in their day.


But now that I am one of those, I thought I should give it a go.


Stray's Tasting Notes:


Cor, yummy! Wet and beery!


I enjoyed it so much I had another.



And another.

Legend has it that this is the very fluid used by the Martians to lubricate their machines of war.

But this is obviously bollocks. They used Fuller's ESB because of its lower viscosity at the sub zero temperatures encountered in space, as any fule kno.

Whilst on the subject of beer, I note that yet another beer from Twickenham Fine Ales is about to tickle our palates: Twickenham Struise Porter. Expect a full review of this beer on Spraying the Rays as soon as your correspondent can persuade Bob Swipe to buy him a pint of it.

In the meantime however here's an extract from the small print:

"Master Brewer Urbain Coutteau visited Twickenham in the third week of July and together with Twickenham's Head Brewer Tom Madeiros they brewed a 5% Porter called Twickenham Struise Porter. Brewed using Amber and Black malts and Flaked Oats it's a tremendously dark and malty beer with a delicious chocolate and coffee taste."

Mmm! Sounds fab-u-lous, as Craig "Rebel" Horwood would probably say as he downs a glass or three. But Amber and Black malts? What could have been the inspiration for this brew?

Surely not...

Next week: how to perform your own liver biopsy: a step by step guide.

Voting scandals: Then and Now

Major and Currie: saucy Saturday night routines

Controversy rages over political correspondent John Sergeant's continued survival in the BBC's hit Saturday evening show, "Strictly Come Dancing".

Despite being consistently panned by the judges, the rotund reporter has been taken to the hearts of the Great British Public who continue to vote for him at the expense of more talented performers such as Cherie Lunghi, Heather Small, and Phil Daniels. (OK, well maybe not Phil Daniels)

But Spraying the Rays' Beer and Ballroom correspondent Stray Photon asks:

"Have we learned nothing?"

Sixteen years ago it was another militarisitically surnamed John with political connections who caused an upset when frumpy John Major was voted for by the British Public as Prime Minister despite the fact that rival Neil Kinnock was a better dancer.

Sergeant and Rihanoff: political scandal

Kinnock also had better policies.



But still the public voted for Major. Maybe they wanted to see more of his glamorous "dance" partner Edwina Currie.


Oh yes.


Here at Photon House however, we say, "What's the big deal?"



After all Sergeant isn't the only newcomer who is making himself unwelcome this season by remaining in contention much longer than anyone expected...







Next week: Stray Photon manages to post an entire blog entry without mentioning that Hull City are in the Premier League...oh bollocks, that's not going to happen, is it?