The Curse of the Tigers part 17

Redknapp

From our Beer and Football correrspondent Stray Photon:

Hull chairman Adam Pearson today angrily denied that a cabal of Hull City supporters at the Treasury were behind this morning's shock arrest of Spurs boss Harry Redknapp on tax evasion charges and his subsequent incarceration in the Tower of London.

Pearson insisted that suggestions that the move was a ploy to destroy Tottenham's morale ahead of the clash with Hull today were ridiculous.

Pearson

"Yes, I might have made a couple of calls to suggest that to release Harry on bail might send the wrong message, especially in this time of global recession," he said, "but the idea that I have influenced the decision to schedule his executon for 3 o'clock this afternoon is frankly laughable."

Sky Sports will be broadcasting the beheading after winning a frantic bidding war with the BBC and ESPN. The kick-off at White Hart Lane has been delayed by five minutes to allow the event to be shown at the stadium.


Next Week: Match Report: Spurs 9 Hull 0. "We did it for the gaffer," says Crouch.

Global Warming: An End in Sight?

By our Science Correspondent

Climate Change could be a distant memory as early as 2013 if radical proposals being considered by the world’s most computer literate nations are adopted.

Scientists have suggested that the simple measure of abolishing spaces in online documentation such as emails and webpages could save enough energy to reduce the carbon output of the planet by an astonishing 5,349bn tonnes per year.

Space: waste of...

Approximately 1.4 million spaces are used daily world-wide, and it is estimated that each space character uses an average of 17.3 nano-joules of energy to transmit when contained in any digital format. Using this formula, boffins have calculated that global warming could be reversed within 3 years even if only 25% of PC users are prepared to "save the space."

A Ministry of Energy spokesman told Spraying the Rays; “Thisisfantasticnews.”

“Theplanetissaved." He continued:

"Andwecangobacktodrivingfastcarsagainandturnourguitaramplifiersbackupto11.”

The government is expected to launch a massive campaign to encourage Internet users to “Drop the Blanks”. However it is thought that Prime Minister Gordon Brown is not in favour of legislation outlawing the use of the space completely.

The news has led to speculation that other text characters could be taken out of circulation to accelerate the reversal of global warming. Spraying the Rays spoke to Ally Teration, Professor of English at the Feltham Polytechnic:

“I’m sure there are lots of other options to consider Take the full stop for example I've never really seen the point of it Why finish one sentence when you're only going to start another?

Similarly a massive energy saving could be made by withdrawing the letter E, suggested Prof Teration, “Surly w could quit happily undrtand what w man without this uslss squiggl?”

Itishoughtthatifallthmasurswrtaknthworldcouldsanndtoclimatchangasarlyasnxttusday


A Mrs Photon of Twickenham commented, “Wouldn’t it save even more energy if you stopped writing your silly blog altogether and did something more useful instead? I mean, it’s not as though anybody reads it, is it?”

Next week: Stray Photon sorts out World Poverty before teatime.

Film Review

From our Movie Correspondent Phil M Sevantifree:

Hello Readers!

In order to fulfill one of my New Year's Resolutions I have been trying to catch up on some of the films that have been clogging up the office collection of Betamax cassettes, so the other night I watched "Kontroll", directed by my old chum Nimrod Antal.

Kontroll: mind the gap...

It was rather good.

But I think that if I ever get to use the Bupapest Underground I will make sure I have a ticket.

STR rating 4/5



Next week: FA cup news: Phil Brown supports Ferguson as he demands "second leg" for this season's 3rd round matches due to cold weather.

2010: Highlights of the Year

1) Mended the TV remote by taking it to bits and cleaning it. Guess what? I managed to put it back together with no bits left over and ...it works. Hurrah!

Saving to me: approx £55-60 for a new one...unless I bought a generic version for £12 but then it wouldn't say "Panasonic" on it, would it?

2) Got the bedroom radiator working by taking a pair of pliers and opening the valve at the other end. I though there was only a valve at one end but no. Result: heating in the bedroom. What luxury! Hurrah again!

Saving to me: I reckon about £70 to call out a plumber.

3) Drank beer. Hurrah for a third time!

What a stonking year 2010 has been so far!