Godfather of Punk in "Fraud" Shock

"can these poor teeth take so much kicking?" - Brian Eno


Hello readers!

You know, every now and then life deals you a setback that makes you stop and think, “is it all really worth it?” That sick feeling in the stomach when you realise that what you held to be a Fundamental Truth turns out to be false.

For example when the reality dawned that there were no Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq to justify the allied invasion…

Or when you realised (as of course we all do eventually) that Paul Weller is average rather than a genius…

Weller: substitute

And of course we will all remember where we were when we heard the Liberal Democrats were just like all the other political parties, prepared to sacrifice their principles for power, and were going to shore up the Tories in a “coalition” government…

Readers, today I have had another such tragic moment;

Plastic Bertrand, the REAL Godfather of Punk, may not have sung on “Ca Plane Pour Moi”.

Bertrand: my generation

Just pause for a moment and let this shocking possibility sink in.

Surely this is like hearing that Shakespeare may not have been the true author of his plays?

Without Plas, as his true fans know him, we wouldn’t have had the Sex Pistols, The Smiths, or James Blunt.

Life today would not be what it is. We would still be listening to “Tales from Topographic Oceans” or going to ELP concerts.

ELP: won't get fooled again

So now it seems my whole life since 1977 has been built on a lie.

What next readers? It’s all too much. I can’t go on. This blog is now suspended until further notice.


Next Week: Existence of Father Christmas “in doubt”: Spraying the Rays investigates.

Community Payback My Arse...

On the other side it says "Community Payfront"

On the last two Sundays I have walked to our local shopping Mecca (Whitton High Street) via an underpass going beneath a busy dual carriageway. On both occasions I have had to run the gauntlet of a group of about a dozen sullen looking offenders in fluorescent jackets with "Community Payback" emblazoned on the back.

They were painting the roof of the passageway. I assume this was the idea anyway. They appeared to have 2 rollers between them. On the first occasion one of their supervisors was actually doing the painting while his charges stood around watching or texting their mates.

The general idea seemed to be to get as much paint on the ground as possible so as to leave the underpass in a far worse state than when they arrived. I assume the council-tax payers of Richmond will have to foot the bill when the mess is cleared up.

Bring back the chain-gang, that's what I say.

On the following Sunday they were back. This time they only had one paint roller between 11 of them. I presume one of them had stolen the other one. At least this time one of the offenders was doing the Jackson Pollock impression on the pavement. Again, the rest of them seemed to have nothing to do apart from standing around, playing with their phones or eating their sandwiches.

I have no idea what they had done to incur such a punishment. None of my business, one might say. But I don't see how this is going to make them any less likely to steal, kill, or break wind in a public place in the future.

er... apparently it IS art...

That night though, I had a dream. I returned to the underpass. The community payback team were still there. But this time there was something unsettlingly familiar about them as I managed to steal a furtive glance at the unsavoury collection of humanity.

That dodgy looking bloke with the spiky hair avoiding my gaze…blimey, doesn’t he look like John Terry? The pasty faced bloke trying to paint the ceiling? His first touch was awful, paint dribbling everywhere except where he wanted it…bugger me, it’s Wayne Rooney!

The silly sod juggling with the paint can before spilling it all over the floor? It can only be Robert Green. And the arrogant looking pair staring at the white emulsion, not comprehending why it isn’t just going on the walls without them doing anything about it? It’s Plank Lampard and L’il Stevie Gerrard.

What a bunch of villains. Their crime? Fooling us all yet again into thinking that they gave half a flying fart about playing for England. Community payback? My arse. String ‘em up. It’s the only language they understand.

Next Week: Liberal Democrat MP’s Nick Clegg, Vince Cable and Danny Alexander don the fluorescent orange in a attempt to pay back the community for their crime of enabling a Conservative government, despite the fact that the only reason that most of us voted for them was to keep the Tories out. Member for Yeovil David Laws also turned up but had to go home early.