Have You Seen This Man?

Photon: strayed?

An appeal from Spraying the Rays' Management

Dear Readers.

It is with great regret that we have to inform you that Spraying the Rays' legendary Beer and Football correspondent Stray Photon is missing.

After filing his last report, and having failed to arrive at his desk at the STR offices this morning, all attempts to contact the Hull City supporting scribe have met with failure.

His mobile phone remains unanswered and his wife is unaware of his whereabouts.

Local residents reported hearing some commotion from the Photon household at around 6.30 pm on Saturday night. One neighbour, who preferred not to be named, spoke to Spraying the Rays:

"There was strangled cries coming through the wall on two separate occasions." said Mr Wilberforce (82). He continued:

"It was most unnerving. Something right strange must have been going on. I couldn't tell whether they was exclamations of joy or astonishment. Then about 30 minutes later that Robert Swipe blogger bloke left the house looking very cross, swearing and that. And we ain't seen Stray since."

However when she answered the door to STR's reporter, Arsenal-supporting Mrs Photon (23) stated, "I've no idea where the idle Northern get is. Have you tried the Prince of Wales? Or the Rifleman? Now clear off, if you don't mind. I'm having a new patio put down in the back garden. Thank you and goodnight."



If YOU have seen Stray Photon please contact us at the usual address. Spraying the Rays is prepared to offer a generous reward of £5 for any information leading to his whereabouts.

Next week: Lost Bloggers #2: We investigate the mysterious disappearance of blogging legend Istvanski.

Hull youngsters humble mighty Gunners

Arsenal 1, Hull City 2 (TWO)

by our Beer and Football correspondent Stray Photon

Premiership newcomers Hull City left out experienced players such as Nick Barmby (58) and Dean Windass (63) , opting instead to send out their junior squad featuring players such as Geovanni (13) and Cousin (11).

Cousin: "just like the KC only bigger"

The tactic paid off handsomely with a 2-1 win at the Emirates Stadium as Arsenal veterans such as Theo Walcott (19) failed to cope with the controversial Hull strategy of scoring more goals than the opposition.

Gunners boss Arsene Wenger blamed advanced particle physics rather than complacency for his teams's setback.

Arsene: outgunned

"I think you will find that when the Large Hadron Collider experiment at CERN is finished and the breach in the time-space-reality continuum is repaired, the world will quickly return to normal. "

LHC: spraying the rays

Mr Wenger, looking a bit cross, continued;

"Let us not forget that in the real world Hull were relegated into the Nationwide Conference several years ago and shortly afterwards went out of business altogether. What happened today is an anomaly caused by mad scientists in Geneva messing around with forces they don't understand."

Tigers manager Gabrielle Drake was more upbeat however.

Drake: two up front

"Premier League? You're having a laugh," said the purple-wigged gaffer.

Next week: Tottenham deny widespread "running away" accusations as they apply for early relegation to Championship before Saturday's fixture at home to Hull.