Storm clouds gather as Brown faces his darkest hour

Brown, G

With his ratings plummetting in all opinion polls, and facing a resurgent Conservative party under the dynamic leadership of Old Etonian toff David Campervan, things look grim for working class hero and Labour Prime Minister Gordon Brown,

But enough of all that bollocks.

The real leadership crisis of the age is at beleagured football club Hull City. Seemingly anchored in the relegation zone of the English Premier League and with only two wins to boast of in the last God knows how long, the football world is holding its breath waiting for the next top flight managerial sacking. At one point last week bookmakers stopped taking bets on Brown getting the push, especially when his staunchest supporter and personal friend, club chairman Paul Duffen resigned.

To make matters worse, former City chairman Adam Pearson returns having last week resigned form the corresponding post at Derby County, and Pearson has previously shown himself to be ruthless in dispensing with underperforming managers such as Jan Molby and Phil Parkinson.

Brown, P

For the record, Spraying the Rays believes that Phil Brown should be given at least until Christmas to Save the Tigers, bearing in mind his achievements at the club over the last two seasons.

However, following Pearson's vote of confidence in Brown today, his days in charge at the KC Stadium seem numbered. So it's time for our Beer and Football correspondent Stray Photon to looks at the possible contenders jockeying for position to preserve the club's Premiership status:

Keegan, Kevin

Scunthorpe born former Newcastle gaffer: despite his inspirational haircuts, his attacking style might not suit the dour Northern type supporters at Hull City.

Stop Press: Keegan announces his resignation from the race to be new Hull boss: see late editions for full story.

Taylor, Peter

Having steered the club to back to back promotions from League 2 to the Championship under Adam Pearson's previous stint as Chairman, Taylor at least knows the way to the stadium and his famous Norman Wisdom impressions would be sure to raise morale during the dark January of the soul. However if he's not good enough for Crystal Palace...

Windsor, Barbara

Following her decision to stand down from running the Queen Vic in Walford, the busty East Ender should be well versed in keeping control of an unruly mob such as the Hull City squad. (Yes, Bullard, I'm looking at you.) It would also enable Stray Photon to run out the “Two up Front” gag ad nauseum.

Blair, Anthony Charles Lynton (Labour)

Proven leadership qualitise, and Blair might well be tempted by the boss's seat at the KC rather than the Presidency of the European Union. There is some concern however that he might be tempted to deploy troops into West Yorkshire to search for Weapons of Mass Obstruction in the increasingly likely event of Hull City and Leeds United being in the same division next season.

Slade, Russell

Sacked today from League 1 Brighton, he lacks experience of coaching at the top level. However the fact he shares a name with that of a 70's glam rock band makes him a top contender, along with Brentford's "Kenny" Sansom and former Tranmere coach Dave "The" Rubettes.

Windass, Dean

Having recently ended his playing days at Oldham to concentrate on his coaching career, a return to his hometown club would seal "Deano's" status as a local legend, especially if he managed to save the team from the drop to the Championship. Readership of STR expected to fall by 50% in the event of his appointment.

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Photon, Stray

The obvious choice. However his numerous other committments such as driving for the Ferrari F1 team, judging in Strictly Come Dancing and playing guitar for Oasis, may mean he would not be able to commit fully to the position.

McClaren, Steve

Ginger get. Former midfielder at the club: like Taylor knows his way to the ground but would probably end up at Boothferry Park rather than the KC Stadium. His Dutch accent might cause communication problems with the English members of the squad. Expect him to be in charge by Thursday.


Other candidates may yet be waiting in the wings to throw their hats into the ring, so make sure you visit Spraying the Rays frequently for the latest updates!

Next Week: Spraying the Rays reviews the new Channel 5 drama series "Flash Forward". But then you've probably already read it, haven't you?