Stray answers Oasis' call as Noel quits

Gallagher: to take role in Coronation Street?

Twickenham guitarist Stray "Disaster" Photon was today being hotly tipped to replaced Noel Gallagher in veteran pub-rock band Oasis following an announcement that Gallagher could no longer work with brother and vocalist Liam.

A spokesman for the Manchester group told Spraying the Rays, "We needed someone who has experience in working with an unpredictable temperamental singer who likes putting on women's clothing and hanging around in bars. Mr Photon was an obvious candidate."

Speaking exclusively to Spraying the Rays, Stray Photon stated that he was "extremely honoured" to be linked with the vacancy; "After all, I can play all three chords, just not necessarily in the right order."

He continued, "It's going to be a busy autumn for me what with the driving job and judging in "Strictly" as well," he said. "But as long as there are no weekend gigs I should be OK to do it."

Other names touted to replace Gallagher are:

Bert Weedon (7/2)
Eric Claptout (8/1)
Noel Gallagher (evens)

Next Week: Photon quits Oasis over "pharmaceutical differences."