Deano denies "fat, ugly" allegations

Windass: not mentioned in this blog

Former Harlequins boss Dean Richards today issued a strong denial that that he was either fat or ugly.

However in an exclusive interview with Spraying the Rays' award winning Beer and Rugger correspondent Stray Photon, the disgraced England rugby legend accepted that he was exceptionally stupid.

Richards resigned from his post as Director of Rugby at the West London club following his role in the Bloodgate affair where winger Tom Williams faked a blood injury during a Heineken Cup match against Leinster.

"Not only have I brought shame upon the once great game of Rugby Union, but I then compounded the shame by admitting that I have done it before," the burly ex-prop forward tearfully told STR.

He continued, "How stupid is that? When I think of how we used to look down our noses at Rugby League and Soccer for their commercialism and tendency to exaggerate injury, now I have made not only myself but the game I love look totally ridiculous."

Meanwhile, following an exciting new commercial partnership with Harlequins RUFC, we can review some exciting new items for sale at the Harlequins club shop:

• Impress you stuck-up poncey chums next time you shed your Barbour jacket in the car park at HQ with the new official Quins club shirt. Only £49.99!
  

• Game not going your way? Then impress the ref instead with this accurate "Cut Kit". Easy and quick to apply! Substitution guaranteed! Only £19.99!
  

• Need that extra impact to get an opponent sent off? Try this amazingly lifelike fake wound with fake glass embedded in it. Only £29.99!
  
  
  
  
• Want a more traditional solution? Try this dual purpose blood substitute. Spice up your half time burger, then hide the bottle down your shorts for that injury time tactical kicking replacement. Tried and tested! Exclusive price for STR readers only £1.25!
  

Next week: How to fake an Anterior Cruciate Ligament rupture. Grab some quality beach time while your team-mates tough it out in the winter mud at Griffin Park, Elland Road and Selhurst!