Spraying the Rays

The Alternative Radiographer

28 June 2010

Fans' decision delayed for 2 weeks

England Fans

Long suffering fans of the England football team announced today that they would delay their decision whether to continue their support by 2 weeks.

Following England’s disappointing performance in the World Cup Finals there is now serious doubt whether the Football Association can continue to rely on home support in the forthcoming qualifying rounds for the European Championship.

It is thought that certain demands may need to be met before fans agree to pay out any more money for tickets, replica shirts, car mounted flags and other quality merchandise. This could severely compromise the FA’s financial income at a time of recession.

Fan’s representative Stray Photon (74) spoke exclusively to Spraying the Rays:

“We’ve had enough. This is a tournament too far. Every time we get sucked in to the belief that this time it’s going to be different. Every time we think this time they sound as though they really care, that they really want to do well. Every time we are sold the idea that we’ve got a manager who is going to make a difference. And every time we are let down.”

Frothing slightly at the mouth, he continued,

”These pampered millionaires are so out of touch with what it means for us to see them wearing the shirt. They don’t care any more, they’re thinking about their exclusive beach resort and next year’s Premiership wages, not putting their foot in and running their heart out for the team. For all of us. For England...”

As a scantily clad nurse administered a powerful sedative, Photon told us more about the fans’ wish-list before drifting into unconsciousness.

“Premiership players should be banned from the England team. We want to see a squad for the Euro’s drawn exclusively from the Championship or below, that’s where the real football is played these days. They’d show Lampard and Gerard what commitment is all about. And we want Gabrielle Drake to be the next coach; she’s shown time and time again she knows how to make it work with two up front...”

Drake: favours 36-24-36 formation

At this point the screens were closed around Photon and we were ushered from the room by a burly security guard.

We asked the FA for their comment on Mr. Photon’s demands but no spokesman was available. However we managed to speak to Mr. Wayne Rooney who had just arrived from South Africa at his exclusive high security holiday home in Barbados;

“Who is this no-mark Ray Proton anyway? What happened, trying to find the khazi, was he? Nice to see these fans giving us their loyal support, for fuck’s sake. Now fuck off, my limo’s here to take me to the beach. Oi! Gizz another glass of that Cristal, Colleen...”

England Pansies

Next Week: Local undertaking firm Pearson & Pearson take over at cash strapped Prem...er, Championship club Hull City.


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