Fixtures Shocker: Blues Boss to Resign?

Ancelotti: that's your lot-ti

Our man on the red carpet, Bruce Protocol reports:

Speculation raged as to the future of Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti when it was revealed that he faces a baptism of fire in his opening Premier League match against Hull City on August 15th, as the fixtures for the 2009-2010 season were published earlier today.

The charismatic Italian is now the West London club's longest serving manager for some years, having taken up the position as long ago as June 2009, but looks set to follow predecessors such as Jose Mourinho, Avram Grant and "Big" Phil Scolari who all resigned or were sacked immediately before or after facing the Tigers.

Ancelotti, under whom Chelsea are so far unbeaten, was today refusing to comment on his future. However sources close to the club (a man at the Kishmish restaurant on Fulham Road, SW6), told Spraying the Rays of their disappointment:

"It's a jolly shame, just when things were looking up for us, " said Tarquin, 29, as he tucked into a rather tasty looking Chicken Chat, "but he's got to go. Chelsea need a big name manager to bring the good times back to the Bridge."

Bookmakers have installed cheeky Cockney wide boy Dennis Wise as hot favourite to replace Ancelotti, with Alan Shearer, formerly of second division Newcastle United, being touted as his assistant.

Other names in the frame include Neil Warnock (11/2), Gabrielle Drake (20/1) and Kevin Keegan (evens).

Cricket News:

The cricket season ends on 27th September 2009.

Next week: award winning Beer and Football correspondent Stray Photon denies misusing Spraying the Rays' expense account: "I have done nothing wrong and in any case I have paid back the £4.75 nightly subscription fee to "Peanut Buttered Babes" cable TV channel which I have never heard of anyway and it was Bob Swipe's fault: he made me watch it."

The case continues.