Windass to Score at Wembley: official

Windass: honoured

Veteran Hull City striker DEAN WINDASS, 61, is to be allowed to score the ceremonial Opening Goal of this Saturday's Championship Playoff Final at Wembley Stadium.

In a radical departure from tradition, opposing team Bristol City have agreed to the move to recognise "Deano"'s legendary status and long service to the sport.

"There was never any argument over the idea", said Robins manager Gary Johnson. "As soon as it was suggested all the lads agreed immediately. Most of us are just honoured to be able to tread the same turf as such a legend."

Football League chairman Brian Mawhinney explained further;

"We at the League feel that for too many years these end-of-season games have just been a frantic and somewhat undignified scramble to score more goals than the opposition."

"By nominating the goalscorers ahead of the game it will remove much of the tension and anxiety supporters currently experience watching a football match, as well as making it easier for them to plan their visits to the toilets, burger bar or other facilities."

Barmby: from Hull

Following Mr Windass's opening goal, the Tigers' tally will be supplemented by a scrambled toe poke from former England international Nick Barmby, 54.

Manchester United loanee Fraiser Campbell will complete the scoring for Hull with a quick brace just before half time.

However in the second half Bristol will complete an unlikely comeback following Windass' dismissal for a rash challenge on Lee Trundle, immediately followed by a red card for dissent for Hull keeper Boaz Myhill.

Full time score 4-4

After a tense goalless period of extra time, Bristol will then go on to win 4-1 on penalties.

Phil Brown: disappointed

Hull manager Phil Brown commented, "I was bitterly disappointed to learn that this is how the season will end for us but we will just have to build on what we've learnt and come back stronger next season and with a better script."

Speaking from his commentary position on the top floor of the Neasden Ikea car park, Spraying the Rays' Beer and Football correspondent Stray Photon commented, "Who the f**k writes this rubbish?"

Next week: The rumours persist: Brentford and Palace to merge for 08/09?