Spraying the Rays

The Alternative Radiographer

29 March 2008

Boat Race: new venue?

Humber estuary

Following Oxford's victory over Cambridge in yesterday's University Boat Race, Spraying the Rays can reveal that radical plans have been implemented to update the format of the competition from next year.

In an attempt to broaden the appeal of the 179 year old institution it has been announced that the 2009 race will take place not on the Thames in London, but on the River Humber in Yorkshire.

Publicity director Rear Admiral Sir Algernon Ponsonby Fortesque-Smythe spoke to Spraying the Rays' sports corresponendent in an exclusive interview.

"Here at the Boat race we have been aware that the race needs to broaden its appeal to survive."

"Let's face it, this is the 21st century and we must not fear change."

"In its current format, not only are the same two teams always in the final, but the venue is always the same rather poncey part of London."

2008 boat race: bunch of Southern poufs

"We feel we can learn from the Tour de France bicycle race which regularly hold stages away from its traditional home and thereby involves people from other parts of the nation."

In another radical change to tradition, the 2009 event will be contested by teams representing Everthorpe Borstal from the North Bank and East Lincolnshire College of Agriculture from the South Bank of the river.

The search is now on for a major sporting personality local to the area who will perform the starting ceremony for the race.

"I feel sure that there must be a local person who epitomises the fighting spirit of this great sporting area and it would be a great honour if we could secure his or her services for this historical event," added Lord Fortesques-Smythe, taking another sip from his pint of Top Score lager.

randomly selected local sporting personality

If you can think of a suitable local sporting personality to start the 155th Boat Race, send us his or her name on the back of a postcard together with £10 to cover postage costs to the usual Spraying the Rays address.

If you are lucky enough to select the winning personality YOU will have a grandstand seat for the event in Spraying the Rays' commentary position on Hessle Foreshaw (just beside the ice cream van near the bridge) alongside our legendary rowing correspondent Stray "ooh, me rollocks" Photon.

Next week: Monaco Grand Prix to relocate to Bransholme Estate, Hull? Police voice concerns over local joyriders with access to Hamilton's 200mph Mclaren.


At 6:58 pm, March 30, 2008, Blogger Howesy said...

Wow, what a fantastic idea Stray!
And a stroke of genius to get Mr Windyarse to start the race!
That'll bring in the kids and the birds!
Now, how about a campaign to get the bombardment of Basra moved to Birmingham, not quite a sporting metaphor I know, more for asthetic reasons you understand...

At 7:33 am, April 02, 2008, Blogger Istvanski said...

I'm so confused. As a soft suverner, I've always been brought up to believe that "boat race" was rhymin' slang - and now you're trying to tell me that yer actual boat race really exists?!?

At 5:52 pm, April 03, 2008, Blogger Howesy said...

I heard today that Windarse signed a new contract that will keep him at 'ull until he's nigh on 100 years old...


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