Mourhino: The Facts

Mourinho: scared

Spraying the Rays can exclusively reveal the real reason for Jose Mourhino's shock departure from Premier League club Chelsea last night.

In an exclusive interview the Special One revealed his fears over the forthcoming Carling Cup fixture with resurgent Championship club Hull City next Wednesday.

"It's unwinnable," he said in an implausible foreign accent. "Yes of course, I have had some disagreements with Mr Abramovitch. But this is not what keeps me awake at night. These Tigers from Yorkshire, they fill me with mortal dread. I fear that come next Wednesday my eggs will have been well and truly scrambled."

He continued, "Why would a man stay in a burning plane watching the ground hurtle towards him when he can jump to safety? I would be crazy to stay. Your Arsenals, your Man Utds and your Liverpools: these team hold no fear for me. They are pretty boys, they like to play how you say, the pretty football. This is easy for me. But these Hull City; they are men and they play big proper football. My girls are nervous of becoming omelette at Fortress KC on the 21st."

Randomly selected Hull City player

The coach refused to comment on reports that since the draw for the next round was announced there has been a queue of highly paid Premiership players outside his office every morning with notes from their mothers forbidding them to play against "rough northern boys".

However Jose conceded, "It is true that the squad have had some unusual injuries over the last couple of weeks." he said. "Lampard's twisted sock is taking longer than we expected to heal, and Schevchenko's name had been mis-spelled on his shirt again, ruling him out for another month. Thankfully all this is no longer my problem."

Spraying the Rays' Beer and Football correspondent Stray Photon adds:

"Thank God for this. I haven't been able to think of anything to blog about for weeks."

Next Week: Hull 1 Chelsea 5: match report