Spraying the Rays

The Alternative Radiographer

01 April 2007

Your Correspondence




Hello readers!

Ah, Sunday morning! Time to take a few minutes out of my hectic schedule, wrap my lugholes round the latest Bobcast, (nice one by the way, Swipey!) and respond to some of the mountain of letters from my many fans.


For example, here's one from a former Hull City midfielder, Mr S. McClaren of Lancaster Gate, London;


McClaren in happier times



Dear Stray,

I've got myself into a bit of a pickle in my current job. I'm lumbered with a bunch of jesssies who are more worried about who's got the latest Armani suit or the flashest Bentley in the car park, rather than qualifying for the World Cup. I can't ask them to do as much as run round the park to warm up without them getting on their Ericssons and checking with Jose or Raffa whether it's alright. These girls are scared to run too hard or go into a tackle in case they smudge their moisturiser or twist a sock. And I'm getting the blame!

Can you help?

Certainly Steve! Here's the solution to your problem:




Dean? No!



After all, I do believe you've already had the privilege of managing the gentleman in question at Middlesborough FC. And hey, while we're at it, here's another thought;

Why not drop all the Pampered Premier League primadonnas from the squad? Henceforth the England team can consist of players from Championship or below. These players may lack the technical skills of the current incumbents, but will put in 100% effort, rather than the wasters who pull the shirt on at the moment and play as though it's a Sunday kickabout on the park, and are too worried about getting injured for their "proper" job to give their all.

What do you reckon?


Now, what's next? Well there's a coincidence! Another letter from the same address, this time from a Mr B Barwick;


Strife of Brian

Dear Mr Photon.

I would like to take this opportunity to reiterate my full support for Steve McClaren at this difficult time.

By the way, have you got any of that Polonium 210 left?

Well really. I though I had already made it clear that the isotope was simply resting in my radioactive storage cupboard. Better not put this one in the blog!


Ding dong! Here's a heavily scented note from S. of Twickenham Road, Denmark.

Hi Stray!
Word to the wise, dear. You've flogged the Polonium gag to death. Just DROP IT!

Blimey! It's dropped!




Meanwhile my old chum Howesey writes;

Yo Stray! (that's how he writes...he likes to think he's "down with the kids" even though he's actually 52)

Following the withdrawal of Sky Sports News from the Virgin Media cable TV service (formerly NTL/Telewest) I find it hard these days to keep up to date with the latest football results. Can you help?

I sympathise Howesey. I too am missing my fix of Jeff Stelling on a Saturday afternoon. But I am delighted to help out by bringing you and other bloggers the football scores you have been waiting for:

Swipey: your lot Arsenal played Liverpool and...oh my goodness. Maybe we'll gloss over that one.

DCI Tennison! Preston hoping to press home their claim for promotion with surely a guaranteed three points against struggling L**ds, or the White Sh*te as they are affectionately known where I come from, but what's that scoreline? Oh Crikey. The Guv'nor won't like that!


Ah, Istvanski! Surely Palace won't let us down? Let's see...oops! Let's move on...

and Howesey...now then, is there a glimmer of hope for the mighty Bees? Oh dear...that's got to smart...

What on earth's going on, readers? Didn't any blogger's team win this weekend? Hang on though...what's this?




A Dean Windass Hat trick, eh? Who'd have thought? Well here goes...


up yours, Joe Blogger!




Finally the aforementioned Istvanski writes from East Croydon...er, George Street...no, Church Street (man, those trams shift!);

Alright Stray, me old mucker! (he's from London, you know, and that's how they talk)

I'm doing some research into obscure and mediocre South West London bands of the mid 90's. Do you have any material in your extensive archive which might be of use?

PS: if there is any way way of embarrassing a blogger or three at the same time, that would be a right bonus, mate!

Well Ister, I think I have just the thing. If you go here, you can hear a motley collection of so-called "musicians" known as the Ariels playing at the Prince Albert in Twickenham on New Years' Eve, 1996. What a racket!

That's enough letters folks! Pub's open!

Bye!

6 Comments:

At 2:08 pm, April 02, 2007, Blogger Howesy said...

Stray, your talent is wasted in the NHS I tell you, wasted. Personally, I think an hatrick from the ugliest player in any league is taking the piss, but then I'm just jelous. Success at the beautiful game is over-rated I'd say, let us go for failure and relegation, that sorts out the men from the boys.

 
At 2:09 pm, April 02, 2007, Blogger Howesy said...

I meant jealous btw.

 
At 10:45 pm, April 02, 2007, Blogger Istvanski said...

What a glorious Sunday morning it's turned out to be. Well worth putting the world to rights (footie-wise).

When's Windass going back to Bradford - he is on loan, isn't he?

I wouldn't want to "embarrass" any of the bands that you may be thinking of. These bands don't need my help.

 
At 11:27 pm, April 02, 2007, Blogger Stray Photon said...

He is on loan until the end of the season. He was 38 on Saturday, but has been quoted as saying he could play until he is 45. Thank God for that...what will I blog about when he retires? Various rumours flying about as to whether he will sign for us in the summer; don't worry, through the medium of Blog I will let you know if it happens!

 
At 12:20 am, April 03, 2007, Blogger Istvanski said...

Huzzah!

 
At 12:37 am, April 05, 2007, Blogger Howesy said...

just given Sally a listen. How fucking funny is that mate?!?! We play our collective bollocks off for 3-4 minutes for one persons' applause and a conversation about "one of those 60s films".
Still it was only New Years Eve, why we should have expected anyone to be out to enjoy themselves is beyond me.

 

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