Spraying the Rays

The Alternative Radiographer

09 October 2006


A London Transport spokeman today emphatically denied claims that Turnham Green in West London was part of the Circle line. When questioned by a Spraying the Rays reporter he issued the following statement:

"Can't you read the bleeding map, sonny? Now get out of my way. I've got a train to drive." and with another swig from his can of Tennants Super he was gone.

Turnham Green: change for Richmond

Mr Bob Swipe of Strawberry Fields, the poshest bit of Twickingham, has consistently claimed that District and Picadilly line trains have been stopping at Turnham Green in error since 1973. "Can't you see what's going on?" he said in a slurred voice to our roving reporter as he attempted to pass urine in the toilet at the Prisoner of Wales public house. "It's a global conspiracy to discredit the song wot I wrote all them years ago. If it hadn't been for that...I could have been someone...I could have been a contender..."

A spokesman for Swipe Enterprises later claimed that Mr Swipe's comments had been taken out of context, and that the once popular blogger and podcaster had been "overdoing it a bit lately" as a result of Tottenham Hotspurs' disappointing start to the season.

Meanwhile a campaign to reroute the Circle line through Turnham Green and to include a new station named Fifth Cross Road is likely to face fierce local opposition despite the improved access to the West End it would provide for residents of West London.

Next week: Life after F1: Schumacher does "The Knowledge"


At 5:07 pm, October 10, 2006, Blogger Istvanski said...

Oh how I reeallly want to add an appropriate comment here regarding someone's lyric writing, but Howesy has sworn me to secrecy on pain of death.

Mind you, I'm not one to critisize...

At 1:58 pm, October 11, 2006, Blogger Robert A. Swipe said...

"..once popular blogger and podcaster..."

Oh yeah? When was this then??

And Istster the Twistster the Hasta La ...(...you know the rest):
If you think Howesey's lyrics are bad, you wanna hear some of mine. Although in my defence, see how many rhymes *you* can find for Calliper...

At 2:53 pm, October 11, 2006, Blogger Istvanski said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 3:00 pm, October 11, 2006, Blogger Istvanski said...

It wasn't Howesy I was reffering to, Bob...

Calliper? You don't half make things difficult for yourself...

Closest I could think of was the word 'caliber', but that sounds too similar.

At 9:42 pm, October 11, 2006, Blogger Howesy said...

With respect, to be fair, and other assorted cliches etc, there is no mention in the relevent song of Turnham Green being on the Circle Line. She just happened to be born on the circle line. A premonition of her progress in life was not very optomistic, as it involved little more than 1 or 2 changes on or around the Underground (copyright K. Livingstone) to get her to the aforementioned destination: Turnham Green. She may not amount to much, but her dancing/twirling was sweet enough to give you a lazy lob-on...

At least that's how I always saw it.

At 9:39 am, October 13, 2006, Blogger Robert A. Swipe said...

"..enough to give you a lazy lob-on..."

...or more, if you recall the stunning B.A.C. Jewess who was dancing and twirling sweetly at the Moonlight Club, West Hampstead.

Oi weh!!

At 10:49 am, October 13, 2006, Blogger Howesy said...

I always had a feeling it was her! LOL! Wasn't that the night when that christian rock band asked if we'd got our stage clothes ready to change into?

At 12:06 pm, October 13, 2006, Blogger euro-trac said...

Oh no... and now you've mentioned Schumi!! Another of my great loves!

You're just messing with my mind now! :O)

At 12:22 pm, October 14, 2006, Blogger Robert A. Swipe said...

"Wasn't that the night when that christian rock band asked if we'd got our stage clothes ready to change into?"

Yes, and the second support act turned up, took one look at the place and pulled out saying "our hard drive's corrupted..."

How rock 'n' roll is that?

[none rock 'n' roll, actually...]

At 1:25 pm, October 14, 2006, Blogger Howesy said...

Ha ha! I'd forgotten that!

At 12:23 pm, October 15, 2006, Anonymous I-pimp-for-Hobbits said...

My sisters husband once had a newspaper pitch outside Turnham Green many years ago ('what, it wasn't made of grass?' I hear some of you wags shout.)
'there you go you big hairy c**k'
'Ta-ra you sh****r'

A phial of the Swipsters sperm for anyone who can guess that reference.

Hang on..I'm getting me notes wrong...I'm doing an inventory of the contents of our bathroom cabinet...I meant to say a pint of beer to anyone who gets thats reference. But, Swipester, if you are interested/concerned, the phial is next to the bulls penis and you were incredibly drunk that night.
Turnham Green brings me onto that ol' reminiscence question...'Where were you when...(fill in appropriate well known event')as on the night of 'the hurricane' in Oct '87 I was waiting at Turnham Green for a train to Richmond at around 12.30 a.m. and I remember thinking 'Cor, its a bit breezy up here'. I got back in time to see 'Prisoner Cell Block Aitch', an altogether better class of programme that its better known sister. I am going to leave with something from my Reminiscences Remembered web page
'Where was JFK when he got shot?'

Good night, and good luck.


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