Spraying the Rays

The Alternative Radiographer

19 September 2006

More Crap Toys

WARNING: this document contains images that some readers may find disturbing.I am A Radiographer. I am also A Bloke. I am supposed to be able to Do Things around the House. This is gender stereotyping of the worst type and, Siblings, it is time to Stand Up and Fight for the Right to be Crap at DIY.

And it's not a genetic thing either. My Grandpa was actually quite good at DIY. But even he had his limits. When there was a particular job that Grandma (who turned out not to be my grandma at all but that's another story) wanted done to a particular standard, she would say to her husband, "Oh no. We'll get a proper man in to do this." What a good idea. A proper man.

Would I expect a joiner, or a plasterer, or a decorator to come in to my Nuclear Medicine department and say, "thought I'd have a bit of a go at this myself, mate if that's alright. Now where's Radionuclide Myocardial Perfusion Imaging in the Reader's Digest NM manual? How difficult can it be?"

(actually, just between you and me, reader...not too tricky at all. But that's our secret, OK?)

Well the Home Improvements choice is simple. You can have Me do it, yes Me, who has been decorating the hall and landing since last October. That's October 2005. I will lose my temper at regular intervals, upset the partner, frighten the neighbours and teach the kids lots of new swear words with which to entertain their friends in the playground next Monday morning.

There will be serial carbon-negative trips to the living Hell that is Homebase at the weekend to buy tools, more tools, and then some more tools to put right the cockups; more paint because I got the wrong stuff before, eventually I break down and confess "I can't do it", but somehow botch it in the end having spent several weekends doing A Crap Job

Or you can have Someone who Knows What They Are Doing to do it in about half an hour. And they will have done a Proper Job.

Because they are Proper Men you see.

Even the women.

Give me a proper man any day.

And my partner would agree.

These toys are rubbish, no fun at all. STR rating 0/10 the lot.

Next week: Nigel Molesworth


At 11:16 am, September 20, 2006, Blogger Howesy said...

Don't you think that Homebase, (and other establishments of the same ilk) have become the new church? Millions gather of a sunday to wander the aisles and worship the wonder that is laminated flooring (praise be!) and brushed chrome fixings (hallelujah brothers and sisters!!!). The DIY centre has become THE place to meet and network on a Sunday. It is a holy place and the car park is consecrated ground... i think.
It is probably best to rebel and get a 'proper' man in after all.

At 9:02 pm, September 20, 2006, Blogger Stray Photon said...

Thank you brother Howesey for your reading. Very true words, if I may say. And now let us sing Hymn number 434, " All things Pure Brilliant White and One Coat Gloss."

At 3:34 pm, September 21, 2006, Blogger Robert A. Swipe said...

I put up some Venetian blinds the other week.

They're still kipping in our spare room as I speak.

(Well, type - but you know what I mean.)


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