22 July 2009
04 July 2009
This week, in a decision which has baffled the footballing world, former England and 2nd division Newcastle United striker Michael Owen turned his back on an opportunity to return to top flight soccer with Premiership club Hull City, opting instead to end his career with Manchester United reserves.
What could be behind such a bizarre decision? Manchester United aren’t even the best team in Manchester any more, never mind the Premiership, says Spraying the Rays’ Bruce Protocol:
Owen's brain: what happened here?
Future or past? This was the stark choice facing Michael Owen this week. The faded glory of Old Trafford or the glittering promise of the KC Stadium? Today I use the latest hi-tech Imaging technology to examine the Mind of Michael to look at the factors which may have swayed him.
Could it have been the manager that turned Owen’s head? Ruddy faced Scotsman Alex Ferguson knows his football, but how does he compare with the curvaceous charms of former Moonbase commander Gabrielle “Keep it Tight at the back Boys!” Drake? Not too well I suggest. One nil to the Tigers, surely?
Drake: Carmen heated rollers
Former players: against the likes of legends such as Raitch Carter, Ken Wagstaff and Dean Windass, what does Manchester offer? Little known obscurities like Best, Charlton and Cantona? Let’s be serious here. It has to be Hull all the way.
Windass: problem family on the Street
What about the cities of Manchester and Hull? What has the grimy Lancashire town got to rival the engineering splendour of the majestic Humber Bridge or the breathtaking architecture of The Deep, Europe’s only submarium? Cadishead bridge? Mayfield Station you say? Nope. A dump, rather like the rest of the town.
Humber Bridge: gateway to Lincolnshire
Cadishead Bridge: not quite finished yet
Maybe the local culture of the respective locations have had something to do with it? Can Ed Banger and the Nosebleeds, Coronation Street and The Fall bear comparison with Maureen Lipman, Sir Tom Courtenay and Cool to Snog?
Is further comment really necessary?
Owen's choice: it's a Mr. Roy
Celebrity fans: the Reds are known for their many famous supporters, such as portly TV presenter Eamon Holmes, ginger gobshite Mick Hucknall and admittedly rather good actor James Nesbitt. But wait; step forward such high profile Tigers followers as award-winning blogger Stray Photon, TV legend Roy North, and , er Mrs Photon (when they’re not playing A**enal, that is) and you can see that yet again, all the pointers lead East along the M62 to Yorkshire.
Hucknall: on the mend
Footballing Honours: er, I though I said we wouldn’t do do this one?
Spraying the Rays Comment: Michael Owen’s injury plagued history is well documented. But come on Sir Alex: it’s clearly not his knees you need to scan before you sign him up: send him for a CT of his brain. He obviously needs his head examining.
Tennis news: Wimbledon finishes tomorrow at about half past five.
Next week: The Ariels reform to save Jacko's 50 date run of concerts at the O2 arena. "It's what Michael would have wanted", says Robert Swipe (62).