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I am A Radiographer. I am also A Bloke. I am supposed to be able to Do Things around the House. This is gender stereotyping of the worst type and, Siblings, it is time to Stand Up and Fight for the Right to be Crap at DIY.
And it's not a genetic thing either. My Grandpa was actually quite good at DIY. But even he had his limits. When there was a particular job that Grandma (who turned out not to be my grandma at all but that's another story) wanted done to a particular standard, she would say to her husband, "Oh no. We'll get a proper man in to do this."
What a good idea. A proper man.
Would I expect a joiner, or a plasterer, or a decorator to come in to my Nuclear Medicine department and say, "thought I'd have a bit of a go at this myself, mate if that's alright. Now where's Radionuclide Myocardial Perfusion Imaging in the Reader's Digest NM manual? How difficult can it be?"
(actually, just between you and me, reader...not too tricky at all. But that's our secret, OK?)
Well the Home Improvements choice is simple. You can have Me do it, yes Me, who has been decorating the hall and landing since last October. That's October 2005. I will lose my temper at regular intervals, upset the partner, frighten the neighbours and teach the kids lots of new swear words with which to entertain their friends in the playground next Monday morning.
There will be serial carbon-negative trips to the living Hell that is Homebase at the weekend to buy tools, more tools, and then some more tools to put right the cockups; more paint because I got the wrong stuff before, eventually I break down and confess "I can't do it", but somehow botch it in the end having spent several weekends doing A Crap Job
Or you can have Someone who Knows What They Are Doing to do it in about half an hour. And they will have done a Proper Job.
Because they are Proper Men you see.
Even the women.
Give me a proper man any day.
And my partner would agree.
These toys are rubbish, no fun at all. STR rating 0/10 the lot.
Next week: Nigel Molesworth